This post is a part of Five minute Friday, a writing flash mob that happens every week when writers are prompted by a single word to write for 5 minutes without any major editing. Just raw thoughts and emotions. You can find out more and/or join the party here.
This is one of those posts I really didn’t want to write because sometimes it’s just hard to bare the most fragile parts of your heart for all to see. The more I shied away from writing it, the more I felt God urging my towards it. So, here goes nothing…
In last weeks Five Minute Friday post I wrote about the wait for a husband and how desperate I feel in that sometimes. This week the word is keep, and help me, the first thing I thought was keep away! I feel like I’ve been playing a game of emotional keep away with my heart for the last few years. It’s fun to flirt a little bit, but the second something seems like it might go past the lightness of that, I can feel my blood run cold and those familiar fears come rushing in. When you’ve been through a relationship that was quite literally hell on Earth, well let’s just say that KEEP AWAY sign is quite prominently posted in front of me at all times. Once bitten, twice shy? Ooo, twice seems like such a gross understatement. The thought of being vulnerable enough with someone else to let them love me seems terrifying. But, I’m gonna trust that when God brings him, that He will push me and my walls and fears aside so I don’t get in the way of the love story He is writing for me. That the one who holds my heart in His hands can heal all the broken pieces and teach me to let love in.